this is a tirade against myself.
i went out shopping today, looking for just one nice casual dressy short sleeve blouse. because tonight we're going out for seb's birthday, to a slightly nicer restaurant than we usually go to, and all i have that fits me now in short sleeve are polo shirts and t shirts.
now, i know i wasn't going to be able to buy just any old thing and have it look spectacular on me, but i didn't expect to find NOTHING that even looked DECENT. it was also frustrating to see a plethora of really cute, exactly me tanks and tops that i would love to wear, if only they didn't look completely rediculous on me. it's not just a matter of size, but also of fit. i never understood why i can see people generously more overweight than i am, wearing these tanks and tight fitting shirts, and somehow look completely normal in them, but i can't find anything that doesn't look as silly on me as if i'd put it on my cat.
here's the kicker: i know what the problem is. have for years. it is a problem that has been litterally growing and getting worse since i graduated college. i'm overweight, i know it, and it's not just a clothes issue, it's a health issue, i know, and i'm not angry at the clothing industry, or anyone really, except for myself. i've spent litterally 100's of dollars on new clothes when my old clothes don't fit, exercise stuff, and of course FOOD, that could have been much better spent, but instead was wasted on someone too pigheaded to change her ways. i guess i just hoped it would all magically melt away one day, just cause i wanted it to. what the $%^% is wrong with me, that i am so determined to keep myself unhappy and unhealthy, just so i don't have to be uncomfortable and sweaty 30 minutes a day?
grr.
this rant brought to you by jesse's weak will and chocolate.
1 comment:
true, i haven't seen a recent picture of you lately (*ahem*) but unless you look like jabba the hut (which i doubt) you might be just a weency bit hard on yourself.
but i do know how it feels to want to loose a bit. but i also know that at least when i go shopping, i'm waaaay too critical about how everything looks on me. we see our flaws much more "clearly" than other people do.
oh, and how all those other people who weigh more carry off those styles: they don't listen to that little voice that says "ew, look at that, you see 1/8 in of pudge there". there's confidence in that. unless you're talking about those women who wear tube tops when they're a 46 FF. that's just wrong.
Post a Comment