two steps back, or at least it feels like it

so, after the success of yesterday's morning nap, everything seems to have fallen apart.

i think i got started too late trying to get him down for his afternoon nap, although, he did fall asleep.

and then he pooped. (sigh)

well, that woke him right back up again, i changed him, and after another hour of soothing and crying, we gave up on the nap, and i just determined to get him to bed earlier.

now, going to bed, has almost always been an easy, if long, process. he gets his bath, he gets swaddled, i nurse him asleep, he goes down. very few bumps in this road.

i don't know if it was because he was too tired or because i started too early, there are so many places i could point to and say 'there was the problem' but instead of nursing to sleep as usual, he just fussed and cried, refused to nurse, for about 2 hours, until i gave up, and, for my sanity, just put him in his crib, went downstairs, and let him cry.

now, this book i am reading, i get so confused. it says, at times, let them cry for up to an hour. and then it says, don't just let them cry. and i can't figure out when it applies and when it does not. but, eventually did fall asleep, after much crying on both our behalves, and slept about 12 hours, with me nursing him twice in the night.

today, that morning nap that had seemed almost too easy, did not happen, and i am already anxious about what the rest of the day will bring.

i want to keep trying, stick it out through the rough patch, but i'm afraid i won't, mad at myself for trying to start this too late, and really confused about how and when i am messing this all up.